Here's my story...
Throughout my adolescent years and all through high school, I never had to worry about my weight. Sure, I claimed I was "fat" only because that was the high school stigma placed on girls. We were always on a diet of some sort trying to be skinnier and prettier than all of our friends, right?!
I was very athletic. I ran cross country for a couple of years, played tennis and was captain of the cheerleading squad. Basically, since I was burning God knows how many cals each day with my extracurricular activities, I could eat anything I wanted. And I did.
I can recall heading to Sonic after school before cheerleading practice with my best friend. Every day called for a cheeseburger, fries and a large coke. I never once saw the fat and grease from my dinners show up on my body. I just always assumed I'd be lucky enough to have my "high metabolism" for the rest of my life.
I took that for granted.
Once senior year hit, I wasn't running cross country or playing tennis anymore. The cheerleading squad wasn't practicing or performing as much because of issues with the coaches and school staff. My exercise habits were slowly dwindling. I was still eating the same junk. Add drama from a high school relationship, and you'll get one chunky girl.
By the time I started my freshman year of college, I was the heaviest I'd ever been. I'm not saying I was obese by any means, but I was definitely overweight and VERY uncomfortable with myself. I wore sweat pants and a hoodie. Every. Single. Day.
Hiding underneath my clothes made me feel like less people knew how much weight I had gained.
Eventually, I was out of a toxic relationship and stopped eating junk for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I had signed up for a water aerobics class, and was utilizing the rock climbing wall at the college rec center. The unwanted pounds melted off, and I was happy with the way I was looking again.
I managed to maintain a good weight for quite a few years. I was wearing the same size for the longest time, and I was happy with the way that I looked and felt. That was what was most important to me. I just want to feel GOOD in my own skin.
The past 6-9 months have been a struggle. None of my clothes fit anymore, I am uncomfortable and constantly pulling at my clothes so they don't hug my muffin top/love handles/thunder thighs. I have bought sizes I've never even seen before. I don't like being in pictures anymore. I don't like being touched anymore.
I am unhappy.
My rude awakening came last week when I was packing my bag to head to Nate's for the weekend. I was going through my "fat pants" and matching them with tops that wouldn't cling to me. I always try on outfits (pants especially) before I pack them so I know how I will feel/look in them.
And y'all? Even my sweatpants made me feel fat. They clung to me in all the wrong places. They weren't comfortable whatsoever. Sweatpants are supposed to cover your flaws, not highlight them.
It was then that I decided I'm going to quit making excuses, and do the healthy thing for my body. I want to be happy with myself again. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to quit putting myself to the point of tears when I try on clothes.
I refuse to buy any more "fat clothing". From now on, I'm working towards fitting back into the new to me "skinny clothes" I've had in my closet for a while.
I've realized I don't have the metabolism I had when I was 16. Now that I'm in my 20s, I have to work to look good, and that's OK. Hard work pays off, and I'm determined!