12.04.2012

My Wake-Up Call

In my post yesterday, I mentioned I had a bit of a kick in the ass, if you will, that threw me back onto the workout train. I've restarted the C25k program, and I'm counting calories again.

Here's my story...

Throughout my adolescent years and all through high school, I never had to worry about my weight. Sure, I claimed I was "fat" only because that was the high school stigma placed on girls. We were always on a diet of some sort trying to be skinnier and prettier than all of our friends, right?!

I was very athletic. I ran cross country for a couple of years, played tennis and was captain of the cheerleading squad. Basically, since I was burning God knows how many cals each day with my extracurricular activities, I could eat anything I wanted. And I did.

I can recall heading to Sonic after school before cheerleading practice with my best friend. Every day called for a cheeseburger, fries and a large coke. I never once saw the fat and grease from my dinners show up on my body. I just always assumed I'd be lucky enough to have my "high metabolism" for the rest of my life.

I took that for granted.

Once senior year hit, I wasn't running cross country or playing tennis anymore. The cheerleading squad wasn't practicing or performing as much because of issues with the coaches and school staff. My exercise habits were slowly dwindling. I was still eating the same junk. Add drama from a high school relationship, and you'll get one chunky girl.

By the time I started my freshman year of college, I was the heaviest I'd ever been. I'm not saying I was obese by any means, but I was definitely overweight and VERY uncomfortable with myself. I wore sweat pants and a hoodie. Every. Single. Day.

Hiding underneath my clothes made me feel like less people knew how much weight I had gained.

Eventually, I was out of a toxic relationship and stopped eating junk for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I had signed up for a water aerobics class, and was utilizing the rock climbing wall at the college rec center. The unwanted pounds melted off, and I was happy with the way I was looking again.

I managed to maintain a good weight for quite a few years. I was wearing the same size for the longest time, and I was happy with the way that I looked and felt. That was what was most important to me. I just want to feel GOOD in my own skin.

The past 6-9 months have been a struggle. None of my clothes fit anymore, I am uncomfortable and constantly pulling at my clothes so they don't hug my muffin top/love handles/thunder thighs. I have bought sizes I've never even seen before. I don't like being in pictures anymore. I don't like being touched anymore.

I am unhappy.

My rude awakening came last week when I was packing my bag to head to Nate's for the weekend. I was going through my "fat pants" and matching them with tops that wouldn't cling to me. I always try on outfits (pants especially) before I pack them so I know how I will feel/look in them.

And y'all? Even my sweatpants made me feel fat. They clung to me in all the wrong places. They weren't comfortable whatsoever. Sweatpants are supposed to cover your flaws, not highlight them.

It was then that I decided I'm going to quit making excuses, and do the healthy thing for my body. I want to be happy with myself again. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to quit putting myself to the point of tears when I try on clothes.

I refuse to buy any more "fat clothing". From now on, I'm working towards fitting back into the new to me "skinny clothes" I've had in my closet for a while.

I've realized I don't have the metabolism I had when I was 16. Now that I'm in my 20s, I have to work to look good, and that's OK. Hard work pays off, and I'm determined!

Linking up with my girl, Helene.

Helene in Between

33 comments:

Karla said...

Amen. I think anyone can relate to this. You go girl! Now I need to find myself that same sort of motivation. Thanks for this =)

Helene said...

Although I truly think you are beautiful and look great, I totally understand and I am right there with you.
i think for our age this is the hardest time- we are so busy so it's hard to put time and effort into it!


p.s. thanks for linking up, we need to hang out SOON!!

Heather @ From Here to There said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather @ From Here to There said...

Girl, you're not the first! I wish you the best of luck!! Stay positive and stay strong! You've got this!!

Julie said...

What great motivation you got - keep it going! If there was one thing I wished upon calorie counting was that drinks didn't have calories because we have to drink to stay hydrated, its a shame that so many good drinks are "bad" for you.

Jessica Peters said...

I feel the same way! I wish you were close so we could work together :)

Haley W. said...

Love this post and I can relate to it a lot! Especially to the part about trying on EVERYTHING before I pack it in my bag. People call me crazy..but I have to do it.

Best of luck, girl! You can do this!!

Nikki said...

Stay strong and positive! You can do it! If ya need anything lemme know!

Mrs. Williams {Persnickety Plates} said...

I can relate, it really hit me when I turned 27. I just can't stop eating cookies...

ty said...

Amen. It's not hard to be the tiny thing in high school. I got a rude awakening when I went form working out 25 hours a week with gymnastics to drinking beer and sitting on my butt. Lord. Thank God my metabolism is still pretty high, but it's catching up to me, and I have to do something before it's too late.

Love this, girl. Think happy thoughts!

Genna said...

I had almost the same thing happen to me this week, as I am sure you know, I run .. A LOT.. But i don't do it for loosing weight, becasue well, i haven't lost weight doing it.
I had a rude realization thursday when I was tring to pick out a shirt to wear with my pants and couldn't wear them because I didnt want my students to ask if I( was pregnant. Friday I joined weight watchers...
We are going to one day, be happy again in our bodies! I hate that women have this stigma put upon them, and the boys in my classes say Mizz... You're not fat. Now if we can see ourselves the way others see us :)
This was a motivating post becasue as I read it, i put down my baggies of cheerios, I was eating, just to eat.

Meagan P said...

I love posts like this! Good for you. Seriously anyone who is willing to admit they need change and then talk about it... You've already fought half the battle! You can do it. For your spirit and your health!! Get it girl!

Lauren E said...

I definitely think a lot of us can relate. I know I definitely don't have the metabolism that I once did. It's a struggle keeping up with exercise and some days are so busy that I know I'm not eating as well as I should. Good luck with it!

Coley said...

I am in the same boat with the pants thing. I start my internship in January and all my dress pants are a size 6/8 and they BARELY fit (really uncomfortable & no way I can wear them for 9 hours straight). They fit just 6 months ago and I do not want to go buy a bunch of new (aka bigger) ones!

Love your positive attitude though! I am having a difficult time finding mine.

Kaylyn said...

Yo go girl! I am realizing the same thing, too. I used to have the fastest metabolism. Boo hoo! I know you can do it. GO get em!

Illegally Blonde said...

It's about making a lifestyle change. You also have to realize your body actually changes too, hips widen, etc... Be postive and do this for you!

Lisette @ Northern Belle Diaries said...

Thanks for writing this. I am going through the same thing. I'm turning 29 next month, and from the latter half of my 27th year til now has been horrendous. Nothing fits. Clothes are also clinging in the most unflattering places. I started working out to my Zumba DVDs and have seen some results, but the weight isn't coming off as fast as it did in my early 20s. Good luck! I wonder if we live close enough to workout together?

Myra said...

Get it girl!! Proud of you for making those changes for yourself and not for anyone else. I know I've been there and recently seem to be hitting that block again, so I'm sure my kick in the ass is coming soon! You will do great & know we're all here to encourage you whenever you're needing it!

Neely said...

Come running with me! You are amazing and you can do anything you set your mind to!

meghan said...

This was the realization that I had that led me to starting C25k and getting into shape and losing weight. You can do it. Post those pictures you're not proud of on the refrigerator as a reminder of what you're not proud of. That's what I did so that I HAD to look at myself. That kept me with it. You can do it!!

Meghan @ Shine On said...

I think we're the same person. Love the honesty, and can't wait to be virtual workout buddies. :)

xox! We're here for you, lady!

Meg O. said...

Girl, I'm right there with you! I don't feel comfortable in my skin after the baby and I am still trying to get back. I think it's important to be comfortable and you seem to be making realistic expectations! You can do it! You are beautiful no matter what, though!

Lindsey Leitner said...

I think this is really relatable to so many people. I haven't hit that stage yet but everyone goes just wait until your metabolism slows down and that just makes me insecure.

I think the important part is just making yourself feel comfortable in your own skin.I wish you the best of luck and I know you can do it! :)

Rebekah said...

I had a similar wake up call a couple years ago. Good for you for wanting to make the change!

Casey said...

I could copy/paste this post onto my blog. I know that I need to make the commitment to get back to the gym, but its SO easy to make excuses instead.

tara said...

get it, girl!!! you can do this and although that kind of wake up call sucks, maybe it's just what you need to inspire you to take this seriously! and i too seriously miss my high school metabolism! totally took it for granted!

Ashley said...

Oh Amber, I am right there with you! I started counting calories again last week because none of my clothes were fitting, and I just hate the way I look and feel. I am forcing myself to work out and actually cook real meals. It's hard, but I know it will be worth it in the end! We can be cheerleaders for each other!!

Jessica said...

I love you. Thank you for being so real and so honest. I have been trying for 2 days to what I've been feeling into writing. I'm totally feeling the same way. Disappointed in myself for losing focus and ending up where I am. But it's back in gear and you know I'm here to support you!

SEL said...

First and foremost: sweatpants are a double edged sword. We wear them because they're comfy and stretchy, but wearing them makes us feel frumpy sometimes too. It can be sucky, ya know?

But ANY type of motivation for change has to come from within. So regardless if you want to lose weight, or just eat healthier or even simply study more, it all has to come from you.

And although I think you're beautiful, if you're not happy, no one's compliments will help. So take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place.

Get it, girl. Be the best you can be.

xo

Stacey said...

following your blog from the linkup and I am also just starting the C25K challenge too! All the best with it, its hard but the results will be worth it!! xo

http://www.ispyadiva.blogspot.com

Natalie Hinkley said...

I wish you all the best with your efforts, you can do it!

Jenn said...

Thank you for such a REAL, HONEST and DOWN TO EARTH post! I think that it takes a lot of courage to be honest about things like this & put yourself out there. I know, it is. I've been struggling with my weight- well, a long time, but the past year especially. I can relate to so much of how you feel. I've had several eye opening moments like your sweatpants one....like the time I moved back home and my mom asked if there was any way I could be pregnant. Yeah, YIKES!

I'm PROUD of you for doing something to change how you feel! It takes a lot to even get to the place of attempting to change! I'm stuck, yet again- constantly trying to get motivated to make lifestyle changes so that I can stop feeling so down and negative about myself. Your post was definitely an encouragement to me.

THANK YOU for sharing this with me (well, all of us!). It really means a lot and I KNOW you can do it :)

RACHEL TaoOfPoop said...

This is such an honest post! Thank you for being so open. I think it's hard to put yourself out there. Very brave.

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