Sleep Fightin'

In honor of it being Friday (thank the Lord!) and this being my 500th post (whaaaa?!) I've got a funny post for y'all.

Try not to judge me too much.

{EDIT}: Apparently I like to write blog posts after I take my sleeping pill. The next morning- no recollection. It was a funny surprise to see this in my drafts, I tell ya.

Don't make fun.....

While I'm fighting my Ambien induced sleep.. why do we fight our sleep anyway? Why don't we just go the eff to bed? It would be amazing, and I'd probably just fall asleep immediately. But nooooo!

I like the feeling I get when I take my nightly meds. I know that makes me sound like a total pill popper. Trust me, I'm not. And they're legal - the prescription bottle has my name on it. So chill.

But seriously. I fight and fight it until my brain literally says no more. And I basically have no choice but to lay my ass down. It's glorious too. I hit my pillow and get all comfy and then I'm OUT. like a light.

Other things Ambien makes me do? Apparently it makes me call my sister and tell her I can see ballerinas and elephants on my ceiling, and I'm not going to bed because I like to watch them dance.

Yeaaaah, that happened.

Oh, and one night I had a full on conversation (that I do not recall) with my best friend about what a dogs' tail is made of. Seriously. I just kept asking about it, and I even looked at my phone the next day. The last thing I typed in the search engine of Wikipedia was "What is a dog's tail made of?"

Kid. You. Not.

My BFF always knows when I've taken it. She says, "have you taken your sleepy pills?" she said it's because I start getting more curious and chatty about the most off the wall things, like commercials on TV or whatever.

At least I don't have those side effects other people have. The label that comes with the prescription says be cautious because this medicine may cause having sex in your sleep, driving in your sleep, and sleepwalking. 

Um, what? I mean, this stuff knocks me out, and I usually don't remember going to bed or anything, but sex in my sleep? Totally don't see that happening.

I will sometimes take it, and then read before bed while it "kicks" in and the next day when I pick my book back up, I have to go back a chapter, or even two sometimes because I have absolutely no recollection of reading as far as my bookmark is placed.

And that's that. 

If you're curious, I have mild OSA and that along with my anxiety just doesn't mix well. My anxiety won't let my brain know it's time to sleep, and well the OSA causes my breathing/snoring to be weird, and it wakes me up a lot in the middle of the night. 

Basically, with no form of sleep aid, I wouldn't get hardly any sleep at night. The medicine helps me feel like a normal functioning person the next day.

{EDIT} Clearly I have some deep thoughts. Hope you got a good laugh at my expense! ;) Have a great day!


Mia @ The Chronicles of Chaos said...

Oh my goodness, I'm glad that I'm not the only person who is affected by Ambien, lol. A few years ago, I was in the hospital and I could not sleep (who can sleep in a hospital, anyway?!), and it was going on like 3 or 4 days I was exhausted. So the doctor prescribed Ambien. I took it, and then my hubby helped me take a shower and get ready for bed. As I was putting on my pj's, my hubby said I stopped what I was doing and was looking around the room yelling "stop looking at me! honey, there are all these people watching me get dressed, get them OUT!" lol. needless to say, he was the only person in the room with me. :-P I haven't taken it since hehe

Joey said...

This is the best thing ever!!! You're such a witty sleep writer :-).

Julie said...

Oh my, how funny!

Joy said...

This is hilarious! Of course, I understand that people do have to take it, but we've heard stories where people get in their car and drive. REALLY? It's suppose to make you sleep and relax. NOT sleep walk (and drive!)

BTW, I sometimes go back and read old blog posts and think "did I really just write that? what was I thinking?" LOL

Happy Friday!! And Happy 500th post!

LAUREN said...

my mom would really appreciate this post. she does some wacky things on ambien.. like walk down the hallway strumming her imaginary guitar.


Sam said...

Lol! Love this! My favorite was the part about elephants and ballerinas, hehe. Maybe that's how Dr. Seuss came up with all his material... just kidding. :)

Happy 500 posts!

Jamie said...

OMG! I love Ambien stories :)
My co-worker/friend takes Ambien and has the FUNNIEST stories. My favorite is the time she got up to let the dogs out (she doesn't own any dogs) and set the burglar alarm off in her house.
The second funniest was the time I got a text from her asking if the giant gorilla in the corner was going to hurt her. I had to assure her it was a friendly gorilla. She was mortified the next day!
Thanks for sharing and starting my Friday off with a laugh :)

SEL said...

Amber!! OMG. I was cracking up at this post. What a dog's tail is made of? Elephants on the ceiling and they're dancing? I needed this laugh.

Our local radio station dj's were talking about what ambien does to them. One of them said he actually ate his dog's food and walked his daughter on a leash instead of the dog. Whaaaaaaat. Craziness!

Heather said...

Wow, that's too funny... but also way scary at the same time!! I hope the driving while sleeping never happens, be safe out there in your sleep-induced coma (is that a correct term? lol I'm not good with terms like that, but it sounds right!) :) Happy Friday! Have a great weekend!

Meg O. said...

LOL I love!!!

Becca Christensen said...

You my friend are a hoot!

Jade :) said...

I was just listening to the radio the other day about the funny shit that people do when they're on Ambien, I could NOT believe how funny some of the stuff was...definitely a LOT of people calling in saying that their partner LOVED it because they were more ummmm "adventurous?" HILARIOUS! ALSO that someone drove to vegas, had NO idea when they woke up why they were there, so funny!

meghan said...

I did actually laugh out loud when I read that you had googled "what is a dog's tail made of?" This is too funny.

A Babbling Brunette said...

this is hilarious!!! and oh my gah i've taken a sleeping pill ONCE and I swear I saw elephants too! I saw like a carousel but with real animals and I was freaking out!

Nicole said...

I have dreams about random stuff like that too, ALL the time! And when I tell my husband about them, he always says I'm crazy! I literally laughed out loud at the dog's tail, elephants and ballerinas! At least it makes for an entertaining blog post! LOL.

Elle Sees said...

whoa! i've never taken ambien, but i swear everyone i know who takes it has memory "loss" like this!

JKT said...

This is hilarious! I've never taken an ambien but I'm so sure I'd probably see elephants too ;) Great post, friend!

Kiley said...

Best post you have ever written. ;)

ARG I'm sad I wasn't conscious for meeting up this morning. :( I don't know how I missed the Meg-is-visiting memo!

Nikki said...

I love this post so much! Me & Ambien have the same relationship. However, I'm usually good about going to bed when I take it but there's been many of nights where I've had some pretty crazy texts and conversations. I've never had "sleep sex" but I have days when I wake up and think, did we have sex last night cuz it sure feels like we did.

My bf's dad has crazy interesting moments too. He loves to create the strangest combinations of food. And just the other day he locked the keys in the car and let it run out of gas instead of trying to unlock the car.


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