Don't do these things at a Doctor's Office

Working as a medical assistant at a doctor's office is not as easy as it sounds like it may be. Also, my time there has shown me what patients should and should NOT do to the doctors and nurses. What is and isn't acceptable behavior. So, I have compiled a list for my readers, ya know, just in case you were curious. ;)
  • If you are scheduled for an EKG, or even remotely THINK that you may be getting an EKG at your appointment, please for the love of God, do not slather a whole entire bottle of lotion all over your body. Not only is it going to be impossible for me to run the test because the electrodes aren't going to stick to you, but I'm going to have to remove the lotion with alcohol anyway.
  • When I ask you to leave me a urine sample, and I tell you that I just need a little bit, and I even show you on the cup what I mean by a "little bit" do not leave so much that the cup is damn near overflowing. Not only is it disgusting, but I'm just going to end up pouring it out anyway.
  • Do not try to carry on a conversation with me while I am trying to take your blood pressure. First of all, I have my stethoscope in my ears which makes it hard for me to hear you. Secondly, your blood pressure may be hard to hear which will result in me having to try for a second reading.
  • Do not wince and act like you're going to cry when I take your blood pressure. I did NOT put the cuff on that tight. I'm not a mean nurse, and I'm not hurting you intentionally. I'm doing my job, and this is only going to take 30 seconds. Plus, you're an adult, you know what to expect when you come into to see the doctor.
  • Once you get to check out, don't ask our receptionist who's checking you out for me to come over because you have more questions. I'm already on to another patient by now. So, now I'm being paged. When I come over, you tell me you need a new prescription or you have some ailment. When I ask if you mentioned this during your visit and you tell me no, it makes me want to hit you because you're taking up my time away from another patient, and the doctor's time as well. MENTION THESE THINGS WHEN IT'S YOUR TIME!!!
  • When you need a prescription refilled and we ask you to please have the pharmacy fax over a request, and we will fill them at the end of the day (protocol - once we are finished seeing patients for the day), that doesn't mean call 17 more times and ask if we have received the fax or ask if the doctor is going to authorize it. Yes, we received it, and yes it will get done, when we are done seeing patients.
  • Just because I don't return your call within 5 minutes doesn't mean you should come up to the office and demand to see me. I am busy. I have patients to see, and a doctor who asks me to do 20,000 other things that aren't normally on my schedule for the day.
  • If you are sick, give us a call. We will probably work you in, or if the doctor thinks it is an emergency he will tell you to go to the ER or call in orders for you to be admitted to the hospital. Do NOT just show up to our office, and expect to be worked in immediately. Sure, we'll work you in, but you will be waiting for a while.
  • When I call you back from the waiting room, and I politely ask "How are you doing today?" Do not respond with, "Why would you ask me something stupid like that at a doctor's office? I wouldn't be here if I was doing okay." You are now on my shit list, and I will never be sweet to you again, BITCH.

That's all I got for now, but I promise you, when I get off work on Monday, I'm sure I'll have more. ;) Hahaha!

On a side note, I have great bedside manner, I hide the fact that I'm incredibly irritated with my patients from them very well. It's just annoying that they think that they are the ONLY patient in the office. Do you guys get what I'm saying? Ugh, I just had to rant!

Now, off to dinner with the BF's parents! :)


Amber said...

LOVE IT!! And I can totally related to the last 4 in particular. I was just complaining at work yesterday about the 3 patients I had who called to leave messages with the nursing staff that they were having Rx renewal requests faxed from their pharmacy. Um, okay. We will see it when it gets here then....and I delete that message without even thinking about it anymore. I have more important calls/issues to take on than dealing with you calling 18,000 times a week to tell us about your prescriptions needed "asap". Argh. :) I hope ppl take heart! HA!!

Meg O. said...

So, basically, we're all idiots at the doctor? ;) DAMN.

Lola! said...

i can honestly say I have never done any of the listed above! Except for talking when getting my blood pressure taken but only because the lady was the one who asked me the questions while she was taking it.... :p I am a great patient I promise. Except maybe when I have to get a shot :(

Julia said...

Hahaha! That's hilarious! I cannot believe people act like that!

Nicole said...

best to rant and get it out before you eat dinner with the BF's parents :)... LOL

Syndal said...

ah this is awesome!
stopping by from mingle monday!


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