I've made a decision..

This past month or so, I've been more stressed than normal. Let's face it. I was born stressed, it's just my nature, but it's been taken to a whole different level these past days. I've noticed, but I guess I've kind of ignored that it's getting worse. I'm in stress denial.

The smack back to reality happened this past weekend.

I was having one of my little meltdowns, being an emotional little bitch and crying about all the changes that are coming about. The BF was being ever so patient with me (like always) but then he told me that I'm letting my stressors consume my life.


He said that I'm allowing all of the stress from school, work, moving consume my life and it's affecting the growth in our relationship.

Being the debbie downer that I try so hard not to be, I immediately had it in my head that he didn't want to be with me anymore, so the waterworks came faster.

These were the BF's exact words,
"No babe, I am not leaving you. I want to be with you because I love you. All I'm saying is we can't grow in our relationship when you're stressed like this. Everything is fine, but things could be MORE fine if you'd just breathe."

I stopped to think about those words for a minute, and it hit me.. if he didn't care about me, he wouldn't have cared enough to say that. He obviously wants to grow/take the next step in our relationship, but I can't focus on it right now.

I was very upset with myself, and vowed to the BF and myself that I would try better to control my anxiety and stress, and not let it affect the GOOD things in my life.

Now I'm not super religious or anything; I don't attend church on a regular basis. I'm what the BF likes to calls a C&E church go-er. (Christmas & Easter), but I do believe there is a God, a higher power than myself who controls all.

My mom has told me that I need to hand my life over to God. I need to stop trying to control it myself, and let the big guy do it Himself. Here's the thing though, I'm a bit of a control freak. Shocking, I know! And even though I know in the back of my mind that I do NOT have complete control, I still want that control, ya know?

I'm trying really hard to let God handle my life, and not to let the little things freak me out, so keep me in your thoughts. This is going to be a big task for me!

I know this seems so little, but it's big for me! This morning I was on my way out of my apartment to go to work, and I had 2 plastic bowls with chip dip I had made for my classmates in them. Well, since they were all slippery from the condensation from the fridge, one slipped out of my hands, and when it landed on the concrete ground, the plastic completed busted. French onion dip oozing all over the place!

Now normally, I would flip out. Something this small would cause me to have a bitch fit. You would hear all sorts of explicits, and I'd slam things around. However, this morning I decided not to let something so little start my day off horribly. So instead of cursing the world, I took a deep breath, picked up the bowl and safely sat it in my car as not to make a mess until I could get to work to transfer the rest of it to an intact bowl. :)

Yay me! :)


Meghan said...

Hi! Are you living my life?

I had a ridiculously similar even with my boyfriend yesterday. You're just being a bigger girl in that you're taking steps to fix it. I need to do this too...

Katie said...

It sounds like you have a really great guy. I also am a stresser and a worrier so I know how that goes. Sometimes I just need to stop and take a breath, do something to get my mind off things and move forward.

Busy Buzzer said...

Joining you from Welcome Wednesday. Good luck with the stress issues & congrats on the externship position!! Hope you can buzz by my blog soon!

Buzzing the Day Away

Nicole said...

Just think, 2 more days and it'll be the weekend, yey! I was having a bad week last week and this week has been a little less stressful (knock on wood!)

WhitneyB99 said...

Hey, I love your blog!! I'm your newest follower from Welcome Wednesday!

Tara said...

You have such a fun blog! :) I'm now following you from Welcome Wednesday and would love for you to follow back at www.dandygiveaway.com.

JoJo said...

God...Xanax...either or does the trick.

Design it Chic said...

I am following you now thanks to Welcome Wednesday! It would be nice if you could share back the love on my blog! Also for more blog-handy tips check Technical Support! Happy Welcome Wednesday!

Teenage Bride said...

Hello! I am so happy you stopped by my blog. I love yours! The layout is adorable. Your bf sounds like a really great guy. Good for you for realizing that the little things really don't matter much.

God has a plan even if we cannot tell what it is! Hang in there, all this stress is leading to something good in the end!

I hope to hear from you again soon <3

Mama Hen said...

The sentence, "things coule be a lot better if you just breathe" says it all! I am very sensitive and take everything to heart, so I can find myself very stressed also! Just breathe is something so simple, but something we all have to work on. The first thing for people who stress easily, like us, is to take note that we do. then we can work on it! I wrote my post yeterday about someone who passed judgment on me and said something without even knowing what they were talking about. This stressed me and that is why I wrote about it. I spoke with a great friend of mine and she said that I needed to turn it over to God, because some people don't see and don't want to change. So try your best to breathe, find a way that works for you that helps you to destress (music, writing, taking a walk, etc.)and just remeber that you are not alone and everything will be OK! Have a great day my friend!

Mama Hen

Take It From Me Girls said...

Great Blog! Whenever I get stressed and things get way too hard to handle, I just try and stay really positive and think about all the great things that are going on in my life. It could always be worse and their are tons of people struggling with way harder stuff out there! It makes me feel empowered like "ok I can do this!" Your bf seems to really love and care for you! Keep taking things one step at a time, hold your head up high, and BE HAPPY! Because that's what's most important in life!

I just want to also say THANK YOU for participating in this week's WELCOME WEDNESDAY! We hope to see you weekly! We are so happy to be following your blog! Thank you for helping spread the word about our great event by grabbing our button!

Kristin & Jaime
Take It From Me

KaylaDanielle said...

I think you've made a great decision :) Good luck with following through on that!
I'm visiting from New Friend Friday!
Feel free to visit me @ www.kaydani20.blogspot.com


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